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[Clove captioned for the ham impaired....] ___. ._.. __. ._ _ __ ._. _.__ _._. .__ _ ._ __.(Morse Code recipe) _______ <- Scratch Here For Your Instant Recipe Prize! "COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKIE!" Cookie Monster "Gimme a bottle of anything, and a glazed donut - TO GO!" - D.L. Roth "I can't eat fast food so I eat turtles." "I drank WHAT!?" - Socrates "I know the runny green stuff's potato. What's the black gravel?" "I used to have a dog, but he wouldn't eat my wife's leftovers." "I'm getting indigestion just looking at this." "I'm the dishwasher out back. Hide my tip in the gravy." "If you find a pork chop in your soup, it belongs to table nine." "If you order the chili, I need to know your next of kin." "If you want instant coffee, you'll have to wait!" "Is it OK if I eat while you're smoking?" "It comes with three vegetables: two peas and a carrot." "Marriage is give and take. I eat your cooking so you do the dishes." "My dog loves people. But mostly he gets canned dog food." "Now I know why tigers eat their young." - R. Dangerfield "Of course it's half eaten. You said you wanted the chef's salad." "Take that back! It tastes like the stuff my wife makes." "The kitchen's on fire again." "The little gray bits are non-stick frying pan." "The recipe says a pinch of spice. I thought it said a 'pound'." "Today's special is all the caviar you can eat for $600." "We have two sorts of pies: undercooked and overcooked." "We'll have to dinner out. The toaster's broken." "Whaddyer mean, 'I burnt the oatmeal'?... That's coffee!" "What's a good wine to take away the taste of this food?" "You don't need your teeth. It's soup." (A)bort (R)etry (F)ail (G)o fix the coffee (D)inner not ready: (A)bort (R)etry (P)izza. (singing) Girls, they wanna have recipes! (singing): Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! (singing): Spam, spam, it comes in a can.. (singing): Spam, spam, it comes in a can...And elephants come in quarts! (starting to chant) Spam spam spam spam spam... (This recipe deleted due to lack of interest) (This recipe intentionally left blank) (_)] <- Short Beer. * <-- Tribble . <-- Tribble after Jenny Craig * <-- Tribble . <-- Tribble after NutriSystem * <-- Tribble . <-- Tribble on Dexitrim * <-- Tribble <--*-o-*-o-*-o-*-o-*--- <-- |ribble & onion kabob. * <-- Tribble | <-- anorexic Tribble ** ERROR ** Unable to insert tasty recipe. ***** 5 Star Award for Most Best Recipe of the Month! *CLEARED* This recipe approved by Canada Customs *CLEARED* *Read recipes*...*Dump Recipes*...You don't *SAVE* Recipes??? AARRGGHH!!! -- CLOSED FOR RECIPE DEVELOPMENT -- -> <- Invisible recipe, send $10 for viewer. -[Insert clever crunchy frog recipe here]- ... :.::: ::..: ::.::. :..:: (recipe in Braille) 1001 ways to Wok your Dog.... 2 kids, 2 hamburgers, 2 fries, $2.00 20 dollars? Aww, I wanted a Peanut! - Homer Simpson 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case, Hmmm..... 24 hours in a day. 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not! 2B or not 2B? Hamlet as unsuccessful Pizza Delivery Boy. 3 Deadly Sins: Spam, Velveeta and Jello 3 Deadly Sins: Tofu, Avocados & Alfalfa sprouts 39. A beer's life does not revolve around the football. 4 of 5 Sysops prefer doughnuts. The 5th demands pizza. 4 out of 5 sysops prefer donuts. One likes women, but she's weird. 5 or 6 days after eating Italian food - I'm hungry again! 666 - value of the Beefeater beast 666 F - oven temperature of the roast beast 6UP: Missing link in evolutionary chain from 1UP to 7UP. 7 days without pizza makes one weak. 79 for Banana Walrus Wafers? That's a scandal! 8 bagles for $1.49 -- limit 3 8 out of 5 people like chocolate... 80% of people die of NATURAL causes! 99% of all ferret recipes are recycled cat recipes. < bad recipe removed to avoid embarrassment. > <--- Grains Of Salt. Add a pinch to the above recipe. <<<recipe ERROR>>> Report to tech support. <<recipe moved to upper memory>>, press <Esc> to continue. <bing!> Initiating recipe assimilation sequence. <disclaimer: as usual you should seek competent medical advice.> <ERROR #57> Please report this error to recipe support. <Fido burps in background and wags his tail> <This recipe has been removed by Canada Customs> <thump> <thump> <thump> Is this recipe thing turned on? @N@ - About as sharp as jello. @N@ - The person who brought you the beer milkshake. @N@ can be outwitted by a jar of marshmallow fluff. A beer can't interrupt. A beer doesn't care if you go shopping. A beer doesn't have to sleep with the windows open. A beer doesn't mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom. A beer doesn't mind when your mother visits. A beer doesn't snore. A beer doesn't sulk. A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat. A beer doesn't want to go out alone with the other beers. A beer lasts longer than seven seconds. A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up. A beer never needs a shave. A beer tastes good. A beer will only come when you want it to. A beer won't switch the TV channel. A beer would never make fun of your new outfit. A beer wouldn't waste its money on Playbeer magazine. A beer's life does not revolve around the football. A bird in the hand makes brilliant cat-food. A bowl of oatmeal tried to stare me down -- And won - John Prine A bun is the lowest form of wheat. A burp is not an answer - Bart Simpson A caribou by any other name is still a big 'ol hairy deer looking thing. A competent and reliable dishwasher never starves. -- Heinlein A craving for Tofu and Avacados? Am I pregnant? A day without orange juice is like a day without vodka. A day without Pizza just doesn't slice it A diet is a short period of starvation preceding a gain of five pounds. A few beers short of a six-pack. A few fish short of a string. A flying saucer results when a nudist spills his coffee. A food is not necessarily essential just because your child hates it! A free lunch is only found in mousetraps. A GOOD friend KEEPS the surplus zucchini. A good recipe is a snagged recipe! A hangover is the wrath of grapes. A hen is an egg's way of making another egg. A hungry dog hunts best. A hungrier dog hunts even better. A large pizza, a case of beer, and @TOFIRST@ to go, please. A lighter Dark Beer is an oxymoron A little fermented curd will do the trick. A man between two lawyers, is like a fish between two cats. A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle. A man who turns green has eschewed protein. A mathematician is a machine for converting coffee into theorems. A mere charicature of a recipe. A messy kitchen is the sign of a sexy woman. A moose by any other name is still a big 'ol hairy deer looking thing. A morning without coffee is like something without something else. A piston engine? What did ya buy that for? It was on sale. A Portable Hole holds a lot of beer. A Recipe for Borsht? Beets me. A Redneck's Seven Course Dinner: Possum and a six pack! A rose is a rose, but a decent enchilada...Now you're talking! A snagged recipe is still a recipe. A steel pinata? This could take hours! -- Crow T. Robot A thrill comparable to the cleaning the oven A time to write a recipe, a time to snag a recipe... A toast -- To a kinder gentler echo A warm beer is better than no beer at all A Warrior does NOT snag recipes - Worf A Watched Pot May Never Boil, But the Cook Certainly Does A watched pot never boils, try turning on the heat A whole boiled egg! Two years of night school finally paid off. A wok is what you throw at a wabbit. A woman drove me to drink. I never properly thanked her. A woman is like... a beer! -Homer Simpson AARRGGHH!! These aren't recipes!! They're infestations!! ABMs?... We don neeed no steeenkin ABMs. About three fries short of a Happy Meal... Ach, me recipe base! It canna take n'more, Capt'n! -Scotty Actually it's not replying that takes time, it's choosing a recipe. ADAM and EVE VIRUS: takes several bytes out of your Apple! Adam had the first soda fountain; he made Eve's cherry pop. Adventure is the champagne of life. -- Chesterson After dinner, he said, Your modem or mine? After God created woman, He atoned by creating beer. After two weeks of dieting, all I lost was two weeks Ah know whut a bagel is but whut kinda dawg is a lox? Ah! Stirring times we live in... stirring times. -- Hardy Ah, the traditional Yuletide cabbage! -- Crow T. Robot Ah-Ha! Caught you snagging my recipes again! Albatross? What flavor is it? Alcohol, Caffeine, Nicotine, Chocolate: The 4 Food Groups Alcoholic: anti-sobriety activist Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall.... Alfred Hitchcooking: Stabbing the frozen peas to get them to cook faster. All available recipes are busy... One will be with you shortly. All I know is what I read in the recipes. All my good recipes are at the cleaners. All my good recipes are on my other computer. All my recipes are original; SOMEONE had to make them up! All recipes require at least one extra trip to the store. All right, who's been turning my messages into recipes? All Scottish food is based on a dare. All things being equal, fat people use more soap. All this beer and only one mouth. All true wisdom is found in recipes. Allasis: One-stop gas/food/everything store in the middle of nowhere. Always keep beer in a dark place. <--Notebooks of LL again Always store beer in a dark place. -- Heinlein Am I right in thinking there's a real frog in 'ere? Amazing what caffeine and no sense of self-preservation can do... American beer is like sex in a canoe. F*cking close to water Americans call it fast food because it speeds them to the grave. An Aardvark is not just for Christmas anymore. An oyster is a fish built like a nut. And garnished with lark's vomit. And God smote Egypt with a plague of zucchini... And I sure am enjoying this so-called 'Iced Cream'. - Monty Burns And Madonna thinks *she's* innovative... And now for another...Useless Fact. AND NOW, Scumbag, I'd like to intoduce you to Pat, our Moderator... And the Lord Said let there be Light, then had a beer. And the people did feast upon the lambs, and stoats.. And then Lancelot, Robin and I will jump out of the Rabbit. And they harvested the charcoal briquets. -- Crow T. Robot And this just in: Fisherman arrested for being a hooker - film at 11. And what *is* the most popular cheese 'round hyah? And, boy, does it catch fish! -- Joel Robinson Another Recipe Kidnapped! Suspect Fido Ate It! GIFs at Eleven! Another tasty recipe! ANTACID: what ants use to get high. Any religion that rejects coffee worships a false god. Anyone could do it with a *recipe* .... Anyone got a good recipe for me ? Anyone Posting Tribble recipes Will Be Shot. Anytime's the right time for waffles! -- Joel Robinson Appuyez sur ALT-A pour le version d'Anglaise de cette recipe bilingue Aquarist: spends $1000 to watch $20 worth of fish. Are beer commercials great or what? Are Cheerios really donut seeds?... Are dog biscuits made from Collie Flour? Are those cookies made with real Girl Scouts? Are you suggesting that coconuts are migratory? - Monty Python Are you sure these recipes are safe??? Are you the Fish Fryer? No, I'm the Chip Monk. Army food: The spoils of war. As a matter of fact, I like beer. As a rule I don't drink--as a habit I do! As American as English muffins and French toast. As lacking in privacy as a goldfish. Assembler Command: FBI: Free Beer Inside. Attention Dieters! Hit >ENTER< now! SAVE YOURSELVES!!! ATTENTION recipe Shoppers! snag 2, get 1 FREE! Attention! The buffet is now being served. -- Magic Voice Attn Gadgets Anonymous: A capucino machine that also takes pictures. Australian beer is made with kangaroo hops. Avoid making irrevocable decisions while hungry. -- Heinlein AWK! read the message instead of recipes.... Bachelor's All Purpose Cookbook: Microwave on High until Hot! Bacteria: Lunchroom for chiropractors. Bacteria: The rear portion of the cafeteria. Bagginses keep snagging our recipes, my preciousssss... Baked beans are off! Baking motto: I knead more dough!ÿ Balanced diet: four pounds of chocolate with four pounds of cake. Banana Jam? Is this something to eat or a party game? Bar-B-Coup: When a relative commandeers the outdoor grill. Bartender, I'd like whatever the man on the floor was drinking. Baseball, Hotdogs, Apple pie, NRA! BBQ is a NOUN, NOT a VERB Be kind to dumb animals, and give small birds rootbeer. Beans are neither fruit nor musical - Bart Simpson Bear Whiz Beer : It's in the water thats why it's... Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder Beeeep! This is a test of the emergency recipe system. Been there, done that, *s*w*i*p*ed the recipes. Beer - It's not just a breakfast food anymore BEER ... It's not just for Breakfast anymore! Beer and women: Two of God's best gifts to mankind. Beer bottles and blondes are both empty from the neck up. Beer can's empty! Memory Full! Zzzzzzzzz.... Beer for me, Bloody Mary for my friend @fn@ here. Beer goggles-see the world thru the eyes of drunk. Beer Gut? Nah, I got pregnant before I had the sex change. Beer in MODERATION is Good, In EXCESS its even BETTER ! Beer is Better: Beer is always in season. Beer is Better: Eating cucumbers to forget doesn't. Beer kills brain cells, but only the weak ones... Beer makes the world go `round (and `round, and `round... Beer math is two beers times 37 men equals 49 cases. Beer not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic Beer Nuts are $1.29 but Deer Nuts are under a buck. Beer nuts: The dreaded final stage of cotton balls. Beer will be the urination of me! Beer!, Now that's a temporary solution. Beer, Is there nothing it can't do. Beer, Mr. Peterson? Ok, but stop me at 1...well, 1:30. Beer, Normie?...Uh, I dunno, I had one this week. Why not, I'm still young. Beer, Wine and Women --- Is't Life Great !!! Beer. Budweiser. Cold. - Riker BEER... Drink your daily B-complex with a foamy head. Beer.... not just a breakfast beverage anymore!! Beer.....beer...beer.....beer....beer....beer.....beer... BEER...the breakfast of Champions. BEER.KEG empty! OVERFLOW ERROR DETECTED! Bleeeaakkk! < Beer: It makes me a jolly old fellow. Beer: Nectar of the Gods, or Urine of the Yeast? Beercan Located. Operator Loaded. Beertender, bring me another bar! BEERWARE ===If it works, buy yourself a beer! Before TV was invented I wonder if they had radio dinners? Being an idiot is no box of chocolates. Best for a case of nerves is a case of beer. Better recipes Through Assimilation. Better recipes through confiscation. Betty Crocker is a flour child! Betty Crocker is moist and easy? Should this be on TV? Beware of health books ... you might die of a misprint Big 7-11 item, provolone. -- Tom Servo Bill Clinton: the Spam of world leaders Blank recipe: paint it, draw on it, be creative! Blondes and Beerbottles: both empty from the neck up. Bodily Functions: Make room for more beer. Bold? Well, hell yes it's bold! -- Mike Nelson BorgerKing- Have it our way; your way is irrelevant. Bourbon: Breakfast of Champions. Brains by Oxford, Body by beer! Braise the Lord: 325 degrees, 1 hour. Breakfast is the most boring meal of the day. -- Crow T. Robot Brilliant...Genius...Best message of 1995! -The Toronto Star Brook of recipes, where we just babble on and on... Brought to you by the anarcho-syndicalist commune. - Monty Python Bruise: A six-pack. Buccaneer: Very expensive corn on-the-cob. Budget the luxuries *first*! -- Heinlein Build-A-recipe Kit: 1/4 1/2 cup spoon fry simmer add mix chill Bullfight: One man versus a half-ton of pissed-off pot roast. Bunnies and beer don't mix. But first, this word from Maxwell House. But horse radish does *not* go with chicken! But I don't like Spam! But not Spam, Spam, Bacon, Eggs and Spam Quiche. But occifer, I only had ONE beer! said Bud wisely. But people in hell want ice-water, too... But, Mom, I don't like cats. Shutup and eat your dinner. Buzzbundle: A six-pack of beer. Byte: A little nibble. C:\COFFEE.POT missing: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all_Asleep Cabbage: The age of a taxi. California is a fine place to live, if you are an orange. California Raisins murdered - cereal killer suspected! Call 1-900-recipe/New recipes daily/Only $3.95 per minute. Can anybody think of a good recipe I can snag? Can O' Worms. Open, Heat, & Eat. Ready in 15 mins. Can you tell I need more recipes? Cannibal: A person who is fed up with people. Cannibalism: intra-species dining Cannibals consider joggers to be Fast Food. Cannibals don't eat lawyers. Cannot understand recipe: <A>bort, <R>etry, <C>ook anyway? Cappuchino is the dessert form of coffee. Captain, we're out of Columbian coffee. Cash value of this recipe: 1/20 of 1 cent. Casserole: Yesterdays leftovers incognito. Cat: Pit bull junk food. Cat: A small, furry beast resembling a meatloaf. Cats are nice but does anyone have any good FERRET recipes? CAUTION! recipes may be hazardous to your disk space! CAUTION! This recipe offensive to some audiences. Caviar Emptor; Let the Fish Beware! Ceci n'est pas une recipe Celery is not food. It is a member of the plywood family. Cereal Killer Strikes Again - does it for Kix! Cereal Killer Strikes Again! Cap'n Crunch found dead Chain recipe - snagged [385] times - Add 1 to # when snagged. Chain recipe- Copy and send to six friends for good luck. Cheerios: Hula-hoops for ants. Cheese: Milk's leap toward immortality. Chef: Any cook that swears in French. Cherchez la fizz: Look for the Alka Seltzer. Chili is a spritual event not a food. Chimp Sorbet! -- Crow T. Robot Chip: Not spensive. Chipfault: The point on a chip where it breaks in the dip. Chipmunks roasting on an open fire. Chocolate - Tastes good and improves your sex life. Chocolate covered spam -- a true WARRIOR'S food! Chocolate is a serious thing! - Counselor Troi Chocolate is serious business -- Deanna Chocolate moose: 1 medium size moose, 20 pounds chocolate. Chocolate, men, coffee - some things are better rich. Chocolate: The other major food group. Choking on a beernut? Apply the Heineken maneuver. Cholesterol: The stuff in food that makes it taste good. Chopped Cabbage; not just a good idea, its the SLAW! Christios, the cereal of zealots. They walk on milk! Classified Recipe: Please Enter Password:_ _ _ _ _ Click... click... click... Damn! Out of recipes! Close only counts in horseshoes and lemonade or something... COFFEE AND DONUTS: Unitarian communion. Coffee and Echo mail are my second and third favorite things in the AM. Coffee in England is just toasted milk. Coffee is good food. Coffee is not for kids. --Bart Simpson. Coffee line forms here. Take a number. Coffee not found: (A)bort, (R)etry, (F)all asleep Coffee, black and strong. -- Cooper Coffee, tea, monster... coffee, tea, monster... - Dot Warner Coffee: The pharmacological basis of consciousness. Coffee? Tea? Weasel spit? Cogito, ergo Hormel - I think, therefore I Spam. COLDBEER.CAN found, programmer probably loaded. COLDBEER.CAN not found, Sysop not loaded Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. Condiment man! Get your condiments! -- Tom Servo Conferences come and go, but recipes hang on forever! Consciousness: visualize whirled peas Contains less than 2% U.S. RDA for this echo Contentsofrecipemaysettleduringshipping. Cooking Instructions: Preheat Microwave to 450 degrees... Corn flakes with gin... -- Tom Servo CottonBalls: Advanced stage of Beernuts disease. Couch potatoes have brain tubers. Could Basil make thyme with Rosemary? Cowboy Jim's Original Red Hot Gunpowder Chili! Cowboy Mike's Original Red Hot Ricochet Barbecue Sauce! Creating recipes is an artform... snaging all of them is an obsession! Creative marketing: 15 doughnut shops next to 4 weight loss clinics. Crunchy, raw, unboned, real, dead frog! CT Legislature: A recipe? Are you SURE it's not taxable? Curds are whey out. Cut my pizza in six slices, please. I can't eat eight slices! Cwcycdcxnwcwjxncwcwnvcnwncwcycdcxnwcwjxncwcwnvcnwncwd -Welsh recipe Dad, what does peanut butter grow on? -- Zachary Butler Damnit where'd I leave that recipe? Dang it, I left my good recipes in my other reader! Darn the cholesterol, full fat ahead! Darn, No good recipes To snag! Darn. I thought of a GREAT recipe, but now I can't remember it. DARWIN!!! NO!!!!! OPEN THE HATCH!! I SWEAR IT WAS DOLPHIN FREE TUNA!! Decadence is its own reward. Decaffienated coffee table; You can't even see a difference. Decaffienated coffee? But...why? Decaffienated coffee? Just Say No. Decaffienated coffee? Kinda like kissing your sister. Decaffienated coffee? What's the point of THAT!? Decision '92 : Four more beers! Four more beers! . Definition of a pickle: A cucumber soured by a jarring experience. Deja Brew: the feeling that you've had this beer before. Deja Roux: The feeling you've eaten this gravy before. Deja stew: The feeling you've eaten this leftover before. Delicate: A dainty kitten who likes kosher. Deliver: What too much alcohol affects. Dessert? I'll take a piece of cherry.... Did someone say fish? I haven't been fed all day. -- Catwoman Did someone say.....CHOCOLATE?! Did you know that in Canada they do not sell Moosehead beer? Did you know your computer will die without recipes? Dieting: A way to make the ends justify the jeans. Dieting: The art of letting the hips fall where they may. Diets are a weigh of life. Diets are for those who are thick and tired of it. Difference between a dog and a fox? About 6 beers... Dijon vu: the feeling you've tasted that mustard before. Dinner is done when the smoke alarm sounds. Dinner: Dead animals and some stuff out of the ground. Dip it in chocolate, it'll be fine. Dipping it in chocolate will make almost anything edible. Disappearing recipe! (Just hit Enter. Try it now!) Disclaimer: All of my recipes are snagged. DISCLAIMER: I really should not respond to my mail before I have my coffee. Disgusting! Division is like a box of chocolates. --pentium Gump. Do not drink coffee in the morning or it will keep you awake until noon. Do you ever find yourself using good recipes in conversations? Do you like your Chili with or without crushed Oreos? -- Riggs DOC's??? Oh, you mean the stuff you wipe up coffee with? Does Chicken Kiev glow in the dark? Does Thou Shalt Not snag apply to recipes? Does whisky count as beer? - Homer Don't ask ME what it is; just eat it! Don't diet, download a virus to remove the FAT. Don't eat spam. Don't fry bacon in the nude! Don't judge a recipe by it's message. Don't let your chips grow up to be chocolate... Willie Nelson Don't Mess With Me!!! It's Monday And I Am On A Diet !!!! DON'T read a cook book! Just WING that sucker! Don't say to a cop, Drunk? I've only beered 2 hads. Don't send flowers or candy - send a good recipe! Don't store garlic near other victuals. L. Long Don't talk to me until I've had my second cup of coffee Don't try to kiss a girl after eating a durian. Don't worry, we can get beer there. Don't you hate boring recipes? Don't you hate it when you forget a good recipe? Double the recipe? But my oven won't go up to 700 F! DOWNTIME--Coffee breaks, lunch, or Friday mentality in the office. Draft Beer Not People. Drink and drive responsibly.......don't spill your beer DRINK CANADA DRY! Maybe you can't, but it Is fun trying. Drink Canada Dry? This is going to take a while. Drink it like a man! Drink your coffee! There are poor people in India sleeping! Drink! for you know not whence you came, nor why. Drink! for you know not why you go, nor where... Dry Ice: A Carbon Dioxymoron Dumb Blonde or beer bottle: both are empty from neck up. Easy cookie recipe- 1: Buy one bag Oreos. Eat CHILLI with 2 L's - it's the law in Illinois Eat healthy, exercise regularly, and die anyway. Eat my dust. -- overheard in a Crocus sativus field. Eat or be eaten. I love the law of the jungle! Eat SPAM! Save the universe!! Eat Spam?... All my intestines cried out at once! Eat the rich, the poor are tough and stringy Eat tongue???.. But it's been in someone else's mouth!!! Eat yogurt and get culture... Eat, drink and be merry...for tomorrow you diet. Eat, Drink, And Be Merry For Tomorrow We Diet! EchoMail: A recipe distribution system. Eeny Meeny, Jelly Beanie, spirits are about to speak. En-uff with the recipes already!!! - Slappy Squirrel End of recipe file. Restart, or try something original? English coffee tastes like water squeezed out of a sleeve. ERROR #5716: Unable to come up with a new recipe ERROR #6060: recipes not tasty. Operator taken out back and shot. Error 666; Cannot generate recipe ERROR reading FAT Table... Try Skinny one? (Y/N) Error! recipe not found. (A)bort, (R)etry, (P)anic? ERROR: COLDBEER.CAN not found! USER.SYS not loaded. ERROR: opening COLDBEER.CAN Glass not ready. ERROR: Unable to come up with a good recipe. Eskimos eat whale meat and blubber. I would, too. Espresso: An ultra-efficient caffeine delivery system. Eternity is two people and a ham -- Dorothy Parker Even a vegetarian vampire can't get blood from a turnip. Even in space, booze satisfies! -- Crow T. Robot Ever find yourself posting messages just to show off your recipes? Ever find yourself reading recipes & skipping messages? Ever walk into a Denny's at 3 AM? Looks like the bar in Star Wars! Ever wanted to download pizza? Every educated man is a bully in a discussion. -- Beerbo Every fat person has a skinny one inside. He ate it! Every Spam is sacred, every Spam is great. -Monty Python Every time I go on a diet, the first thing I lose is my temper. Every time I lose weight, It finds me again! Everybody must believe - I believe I'll have another beer Everybody should believe in something. I believe I should have a drink. Everyone knows you snagged my recipe! Everything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening. Ewwww...you've been eating garlic! -- Dot Excuse me I gotta go..the pizza man is at the door. Excuse me. I should like to buy a fish license please. Expand your mind. Eat gifted children. Expensive imported beer is good for the sole. Eye of newt, toe of frog, and a side of fries...Please. Eye of newt, toe of frog, dash of vermouth. Fact: fourteen out of every ten people like chocolate. Famous Last Words: Only had a couple beers; gimme my car Farmers play the stalk market Fat (n) - the stuff in food that makes it taste good. Feed a cold and starve a lawyer. Females make eggs, males make spam. Fibroblast: Health food binge. Fidonet just IS. It's a Zen thing File COLDBEER.CAN not found - Operator not loaded! First listen to sermon, THEN eat missionary. Fish and Ships: What sea monsters eat. Fish and Tempura vegetables being BATTERED! News at 11:00 Fishing: A man's way of hiding a drinking problem. Flirting gets you nowhere but recipes always welcome. Flow Chart: A graphic of the fastest route to the coffee machine. For recipe insert four quarters in slot >>> Forbidden fruit is responsible for many a bad jam. Four Food Groups: Beer, Chips, Chocolate, Pretzels. Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your recipes! Frigerobics: Leaning, bending, stretching while looking in the fridge. FROG,n. An amphibian with edible legs. Frogs are smart. They eat what bugs them. Frosty, how was the hot chocolate? Frosty, where are you? Gardening law: You get the most of what you need least. Garfield's Eating Tip: Never eat anything that's on fire. Garfield's Eating Tip: Only snack between meals. Garlic gum is not funny - Bart Simpson Garlic? Mama mia! Have you got the wrong vampire! Gas and alcohol do mix! The taste isn't too hot though! Geez, I thought you might make a recipe out of it. Generic recipe, good for everyday use. Gerbil/hamster comparison: Gerbils have more white meat. Get a free shuggoth is every box of Sugar Coated Nyarlothopops! Get stoned! Drink cement! GI: Dressing for Halloween as a pirate. BI: Dressing as a pinata. GI: Feeding stray kittens. BI: Feeding stray kittens to a bear. GI: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. BI: Finding Easter eggs on Xmas. GI: Having breakfast served in bed. BI: Having tennis balls served. GI: Ordering a chilidog to go. BI: Ordering one that makes you go. Gimme a P-Nut-Butter -N- Nanner sandwich. Elvis. Gimmee a dolphin-burger. Yeah, in the styrofoam box! Ginger Ale: A drink that feels like your foot when it goes to sleep. Give me a tuna on rye, hold the mercury. Give me liberty or give me spam! Give my the brain on drugs, with bacon, toast & coffee. Given enough caffeine and chocolate I could rule the world. Go ahead, make my danish. Go ahead. Attack me with that bananna. God always has another custard pie up His sleeve. God created anchovies, Satan put them on pizza! God is perfect, man is not. Man made beer, God made pot! God said I don't want burnt fat offerings. Is he on a low fat diet? Goldern Jimmie, this is some serious gourmet stuff Goldfish don't bounce - Bart Simpson Goldfish don't like Jell-O. Good morning, Sir. Welcome to the National Cheese Emporium! Gorbachex: Russian breakfast cereal. Gosh! How did THIS ever get into the Cooking echo? <G> Gosh, I didn't know TEFLON could melt !! Got looks, got brains, even got recipes! WANT MONEY!! Gourmet recipes: All about Snake, Possum And Mole {SPAM} Grain! Hops! Barley! Sounds like breakfast to me. Grape Nehi - Arkansas beer? Grape Nuts: No grapes, no nuts! What's the deal? Great beer bellies are made, not born. Great eaters know it's the amount that counts. - Garfield Great recipes tempt me into becoming a kleptomaniac. Grits are weird. Grits, a good excuse for butter when you can't afford a lobster Grits: Cream of Wheat with an attitude. Grits? I would rather eat sand... Actually grits is sand. Guacamole: Spanish word meaning taco caulking. Guess I'll have to send the recipe police after ya... Haggis - Gaelic for roadkill Haggis - Gaelic for Spam Halloween: A Pagan holiday perpetuated by the American Dental Assoc. Ham on rye: Drunk radio operator Hand me that Spotted Owl drumstick-yeah, the one in the Styrofoam box Hand over the chocolate and nobody will get hurt. Hangover: The wrath of grapes. Happiness is a Warm Woman, a Hot Cycle, and a Cold Beer!! Hard cookies and warm soda are good for you. Haste cuisine (Fast French food) Have beer, will.....buuurrrrpppp.......party! Have you ever barbecued Spam on the grill? Have you got anything without spam? Have you, in fact, got any cheese here at all? Having a beer can't make you pregnant. Having a beer doesn't make you want to take a shower. Having your recipe snagged in this echo is high praise indeed. Hawaii is as American as apple poi. He likes his steak so rare, a good vet could save it. He was a bold man that first ate an oyster. He who dies with the most recipes had no life to start with. He who dies with the most recipes is still dead. He who dies with the most recipes wins! He who dies with the most recipes, leaves quite a collection behind. He who eats an apple a day is frowned upon by the A.M.A. Health food makes me sick. Health Tip: Red meat is good. Green, fuzzy meat is BAD. Health: The slowest possible rate of dying. Heaven hath no spam... Heaven sends us good meat, but the Devil sends us cooks. Heaven sends us good meat, but the Devil sends us ketchup. HEBREW - the **MANLY** beer! Hebrew: Macho glass of beer. Hell hath no pizza (probably no Chinese restaurants either). Help stamp out lite beer. Help! I lost all my GOOD recipes!! Help! The tribble recipes are multiplying! HELP!!! I've fallen and I can't reach my beer !! Herb gardeners are always looking for sage advice. Here, have a banana and a beer. Hey Rocky, watch me pull a recipe outta my hat! Hey! Mr. Rogers ... can you say Poblano,Serrano and Jalapeno? Hey! What happened to my recipe? It was here a minute ago! Hey, this isn't my recipe! - Who put this here? Hi! I'm a recipe virus! snag me! Make my day! Hi. I'm the recipe your mother warned you about. Hit Ctrl-A for greater control over your recipe's destination. Hitchcooking: Stabbing frozen food to speed up cooking. Hmm, I owe the echo (1) recipe... Hobby? ... HOBBY?? ... Recipe collection is a PROFESSION!! Hog: Corn that walks. Hoist a green beer...or a green milkshake, which every ap Hollow chocolate bunnies have no calories. Homer Simpson: Mmmmmmmm... Beer! Honey is sweet, but the bee stings. Honey roasted .....! Hors d'oeuvres--a ham sandwich cut into forty pieces. Hot Dog: the only dog that feeds the hand that bites it Hot dogs -- meat that's in the Witness Protection Program. Hot Fudge Sundae falls on a Tuesday this year! How about a beer, Norm? I'm high on life... Of course, beer is my life. How about a tip? No messages in the recipes echo. How are you feeling today, Mr. Peterson?Rich and thirsty. Pour me a beer. How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat? How can you tell when yogurt goes bad? How come nobody ever tampers with Spam? How come pizza gets to your house faster than the police? How did I get so round from eating square meals?!? How DO boneless chickens walk? How do they get teflon to stick to the pans? How do they get the caribou to cross at the signs? How do they get the Teflon Coated stickers to stick to the pan? How do you make a cat float? ...Start with two scoops... How weird can one message/thread/recipe/conference get? How's a beer sound Norm?..I dunno. I finish 'em before they get a word in. How's about some *recipes*??? Coming Up! How's it going, Mr. P.? Poor. Sorry to hear that. No, I mean pour. How's life in the fast lane? ...Dunno, can't get on the on-ramp. How's life treating you Norm?..Like it caught me sleeping with its' wife. How's life treating you?...It's not, Sammy, but you can! How's your Moo Goo Gai Pan? Needs more goo. Human - the OTHER white meat! Hungry Dieter--May bite if provoked Hunka, Hunka, Chocolate Cake... Elvis Presley I am Barney of Borg. You and your beer will be as--<BELCH>! I am going to post tribble recipes until everyone's brain explodes. I am hungry. Therefore I am. - Garfield I am not a recipe collector but rather a food memories collector.- M. Loo I am NOT a recipe THIEF. I am a recipe CONSERVATIONIST. I recycle. I am not aging, I am marinating I am the Goo-Fish! You are no match for me! -MM Power Rangers I am tired of reality. I am going to read recipes. I assume the electrified cookie jar was your idea. - Garfield I ate the frosting. -- Zachary Butler. I believe in refueling, I do... -- Crow T. Robot I bet there will be plenty of good recipes in heaven. I blitzed the hard drive. Lost all those good recipes! I bought some powdered water but didn't know what to add. - s.w. I can't believe I ate the whole thing! - Homer Simpson I can't believe I just bought a new HDrive for recipes. I can't remember which recipes are snagged and which I wrote! I control the world's supply of dairy products! -- TV's Frank I did a text file SAVE of your orig. message - Lotsa good recipes. I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat innards! I didn't claw my way to the top of the food chain to eat tofu! I diet religiously: I eat what I want and pray I don't gain weight. I DO NOT like greens eggs and ham\\\SPAM! I do push-ups 3 times a day...from my chair after each meal. I do whatever my Rice Crispies tell me to do. I don't care WHO you are, you're not walking on water while I'm fishing! I don't do jogging, it makes my beer all foamy. I don't eat snails, I prefer fast food. I don't even put beans and chile together in the same tagline! I don't have a beer belly! It's a gas tank for a sex mach I don't jog, it makes my beer all foamy I don't jog. It makes my beer foam. I don't know about this lemur. Tastes kinda gamey. -- Joel I don't read messages. I just look for recipes! I don't snag recipes, I redirect them to my hard drive. I don't snag recipes, I replicate them. I drank a beer once but I didn't swallow any of it. I entered this message just to use this recipe. I feel like putting spam on my head and cucumbers up my nose. I find a corkscrew handier than a gun I gave up chocolate - it was the hardest fifteen minutes of my life! I get a craving for chocolate chip ice cream that can't be controlled. I gotta go julliene something... -- Crow T. Robot I had to give up being a vegetarian because of the side effects. I hate dogs! Hush, and eat what's put in front of you! I HATE TRIBBLE RECIPES!!! I have a drinking problem. If Jake has 5 beers and Dan has 4... I have a love-snag relationship with that recipe. I have made extraordinary 4 course meals using only a mouli & a toaster oven. I have resorted to turning messages into recipes. I haven't got a single recipe with the word -------- in it. I haven't got a single tagline with the word chile in it. I Jim, do solomnly swear on this Joy of Cooking, to tell the truth I just collect recipes, I don't analyze them! I just had one beer ocifer! A pony keg. I just invented garlic pizza I just knew I'd find a use for this recipe! I just need enough coffee to tide me over 'till I need more. I killed a six pack just to watch it DIE!! I knew she was gone 'cuz, I ran out of beer. I know how toast works! -- Tom Servo I learned that in bartending school. - The Continental. I left my good recipes in my 486. I like a good beer buzz early in the morning. I like Australian beer, said Tom, hopingly. I like children, if they are properly cooked! I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one. I like my coffee black ... as a moonless night. I like my steak so rare a good Vet. could save it. I love animals! But they all seem to taste like chicken. I love cats too..... wanna trade recipes? I love cats. On a good night I can eat 5 or 6 of them! I love cats. They're pretty good when you add ketchup. I love children - but I couldn't eat a whole one. I love children! They taste just like chicken! I LOVE cute litle animals...especially in a good gravy. I LOVE fine wines! I can afford reasonably decent beer. I love it when a recipe comes together. I love spotted owls... battered and deep fried in coconut oil! I love the smell of recipes in the morning... I make *serious* coffee. Its so strong it wakes up the neighbors. I make wine out of raisins so it's aged automatically... - s.w. I need cookies! Cookies! -- Tom Servo I never met a lasagna I didn't like! I only fish on days that end with a y. I only have one recipe. This isn't it though. I ordered chocolate, not vanilla, I screamed. I poured beer in my rice crispies and heard Snap, Crackle & Burp. I put instant coffee in my microwave and almost went back in time. I run the convenience store on the road less traveled. I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it? I smoked a salmon once, but didn't inhale I spent most of my money on beer and women - the rest I just wasted. I studied Chinese philosophy...an hour later I was wondering again. I think that would affect my stomach more than my heart. - Calvin I thought of a good recipe, but forgot it! I too am not a recipe collector but rather a food memories collector. I traded a really good recipe for this one. I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose. I understand the CHEEZ part, but what the hell is WHIZ??? I use original recipes, but they originate elsewhere. I used to read books. Now I read recipes! I want to buy some cheese. I want to find ALL of them! So far I only have a few thousand. I want to learn more about baloney! - Dot I want to read my new poem about pork brains and outer space... I was on a roll till I slipped on the butter. I was once a Meal-Master feta taster! I wish you were a beer. I'd send you a fish if I could find one. I'll have a beer, and get a Bloody Mary for my friend I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast, spam, spam and spam. I'll have spam, spam, a spatula, and spam. I'll have what the gentleman on the floor is having. I'll take 'Famous recipes' for $1,000, Alex. I'll write no recipe before its time. I'm a Certified Garlic Crazy. I'm a realist-1/2 empty of full-The glass stills need washing I'm afraid we're fresh out of red Leicester, sir. I'm Barney of Borg. You and your beer will be as<BELCH>! I'm crabby cuz; Warm beer. I'm dead. Dead as a can of SPAM. * Rimmer I'm Don Pepperoni, the Pizza God Father I'm hungry for cupcakes. I dunno why. -- Tom Servo I'm in a gambling mood, Sammy.I'll take whatever comes out of that tap. I'm just carrying these worms around for the halibut .... I'm not that tasty. I'm mostly gristle. -- Crow T. Robot I'm on a garlic diet. I've lost 14 pounds and 25 friends. I'm PINK therefore I'm SPAM!! I'm so ashamed. I wrote a tribble recipe. I'm so hungry I could eat a vegetable. I'm your next door neighbour. Could I borrow a cup of recipes? I've fallen! And I can't reach my beer! I've got a BEER attitude. I've got to Brew Beer. I've got to get a simpler life... Or a bigger refrigerator! Ice cold beer is better than ice cold anything else Ice cream cones weren't sex symbols until Madonna. Ice Cream is a dish best served cold. Iced Tea, the house wine of the south. If a fish falls out of the sky, is that an act of Cod? If all else fails, try Spam. If brain==fried goto pizza&beer If Corn Oil Is Made From Corn, What's Baby Oil Made From? If fast food is so bad, why are the burger joints always so crowded?ÿ If fish is brain food, serve this man a whale. If fish is brain food, why do they still get caught? If fish kept their mouths shut, none would get caught! If French cooking is so easy, why the 1678 page cook book? If IBM's have bugs, then do Apples have worms? If it doesn't have garlic, it must be dessert. If it tastes good it's fattening - if it don't it ain't. If it's got jelly beans in it, it definitely ain't chili! If Mary had a little lamb...who the heck was the father? If music be the food of love why don't rabbits play banjo If spam is a meat, then bald is a hair color. If today was a fish, I'd throw it back in! If we took the bones out, it wouldn't be crunchy! If you don't like my peaches, why do you shake my limbs? If you don't play sports, you don't get to make beer comm If you fatten up everyone around you, then you look thinner. If you pour a beer right, you always get good head! If you want a lawyer recipe, the first consultation is $50/recipe. If your message arrives late, please keep the recipe as our free gift! Imitation crabmeat: Fish in the sea going, Wait! I do a GREAT crab! In heaven there is no beer that's why we drink...HUH?-Tom In Hollywood, a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk In my book, food should be nutrition and entertainment. - Calvin In recipes, good is always subjective. In Wine is Wisdom, In Beer is Power, In h2o are Bacteria! Indigestion is only fatal in Mexico. InGoodShape := Copy(Beer,1,12); Ingredients of Spam: Everything but the oink. Input: Food, beer, aspirin, etc. Instant Human: Just Add Coffee... Instant recipe. Just add water. Irish 7 course meal: a Sixpack and a potato Is beer like Champagne? Is it bad when people take your posts and make em into recipes? Is there an alcoholic beverage made from oat bran? Is there such a thing as too many recipes? Is Velveeta a member of the Dairy Council? -- Mike Nelson Isn't shrimp on a Barbie a bit kinky? Isn't there any other part of the matzoh they cook? --Marilyn Monroe It *CAN'T* be chili if its got cheetos in it! It doesn't say anything here about lark's vomit! It is easier to catch flies with honey than with vinegar. It was Wine,Women & Song. Now it's Beer, The Old Lady & TV. It'd make a rabbit spit at a dog...Irish Proverb It's all in the name of science. -- Dr. Forrester It's all part of this nutritious war. -- TV's Frank It's an uptown recipe, living in an uptown conference. It's bold enough to bulldog your taste buds! -- Tom Servo It's certainly uncontaminated by cheese. It's either illegal, immoral or fattening!! It's hard enough to come up with recipes. You want a message too?!? It's not a beer belly. It's a fuel tank for a sex machine It's probably a bad day when, you find a dead fish in your underwear. It's Spam, Jim, but not Spam as we know it- Bones AKA Dr. McCoy It's the stealth pizza man. -- Crow T. Robot It's too late, @LN@. He's spammed. J!:*#/g_lqer{ 8ry]@jvBnjjj (recipe courtesy of my three year old neice) Japanese say Americans are lazy? HAH! At least we cook OUR fish. Jesus turned water into wine....the ultimate party guest! JJJ!!!!:*#/g_lqerJJJJJJ!!!{ 8ry]@jvBnjjjjj (Jaeda's recipe) Judgement of beauty can err, what with the wine and the dark. -Ovid Just don't think I love you only for your recipes... Just gimme the killer B's...Beer, Blues, BBQ & BBros! Just hit A to activate your recipe Tractor Beam. Just ran out of original recipes. Looking for donors. Keep America Beautiful - swallow your beer cans. Keep Canada Beautiful. Swallow your beer cans. Kernel knowledge: Having your way with a jumbo box of popcorn. KITCHEN WARNING: Flying SPAM alert! LAW OF FAST FOOD: Cheap, Fast, Good. - Choose any two. Laws are like sausages, it is better to not see them made. Lawyers could be an important source of protein. Lean books are often larded with the fat of others' works Less talk -- more recipes! Let me say again: That recipe file is *gigantic*. Let's get some beer and dynamite and go fishing. Librarian Party: Bring your own books and beer. Life is the variety of spice. Life is too short to drink cheap beer. Life is too short to drink cheap wine. Life is too short to eat boring food. Life just dished up some spam. -Opus Light year: A regular year with less calories. Like, I think my bottle absorbed my Beer, eh. Lions and Tigers and Bears? We're LUNCH! Live fast, die young, and leave a fat, bloated, ugly corpse! Live fast, die young, and leave a fgood looking corpse! Lobster: A great excuse for eating a pound of butter. Lock the doors, everyone freeze, my recipes are gone. Loin: Not fat. Look! Mouseburger and french flies! -- Beavis Looking for a few good recipes. Looks like I picked a bad week to give up beer. Loose all that ugly FAT download a virus TODAY! Lovely Spam, Wonderful Spam! Man can not live on beer alone. But it's sure fun trying. Man does not live by coffee alone. Have a Danish! Man Vs. Beer: A beer wouldn't waste its money on Playboy. Man, I get weirder things than you in my breakfast cereal! Mandatory recipe affixed per FidoNet Policy 4.9.2. Mandatory recipe omitted; moderator gone berserk. Story at 11:00. Many a good message ends with a bad recipe. Marching to a different kettle of fish. Mary had a little lamb...with some white wine and a tossed salad. May your glass never be empty & your life always bubbly. Meat is murder, Frank... -- Dr. Forrester MEAT SUBSTITUTE(n): examples: soybeans, vibrators Melted Fruit Snacks on Keyboard. Delete Children? (Y/n) Melts in your mouth, bulges in the mirror. Men learned to walk upright cause they put beer on the top shelf. MESSAGE (n): recipe carrier. Microfiche: Extremely small French fish. Missionaries: The other white meat. Mmmm... Roast Leg of Insurance Salesman! Mmmmmmmmmm forbidden doughnut! Ahm uhm ahm MMMMMmmmmmm.. Foot-long Chili Dog! - Homer Simpson MNP=Modemers Need Pizza Modem: How a Southerner asks for seconds. Moderator sighted, insert random on-topic recipe. Moosehead: Great beer, and a new experience for the moose. Most idiots don't make up their own recipes, but I do. Must get Moose and Squirrel! - Boris & Natasha My favorite brand of beer? Whatever SHE'S buying! My hard drive lost it's FAT on a crash diet. My life is like a beer commercial. My low-fat diet really works! The fat hangs lower every day. My specialty......Kraft dinner. My Spell Checker says there is no such thing as Chop Suey. My Spell Checker says there is no such thing as Tofu. My sysop erased the good recipe before you could read it. Nervous: Asking which wine goes best with fingernails. NEVER ask what hot dogs are made of! NEVER drink and use an electric mixer at the same time!!! Never drink coffee that's been anywhere near a fish. Never eat a hedgehog without peeling it first. Never eat children! You don't know where they've been! Never eat more than you can lift. Never eat prunes when you are famished. Never eat the last cookie. Never feed your kids anything that clashes with the carpet.. Never open your own restaurant. Never program and drink beer at the same time. Never raise your hand during a hijacking to show you get a kosher meal! Never take a beer to a job interview. New recipe Found! [S]nag, [C]ook, [I]ncease garlic? New restaurant on the moon : cool, but no atmosphere... News headline: Milk drinkers are turning to powder. News headline: Quarter of a million Chinese live on water. No man can scoop a meal out of a can as that man can. - Garfield No Nicking, Nibbling, or Finger Dipping Allowed in my Kitchen. No no, chocolate goes in the North. Massage oil goes in the West! No one expects the Spamish Repetition! Spam Spam Spam! No one goes to that restaurant anymore- it's always too crowded. No woman ever shot a man while he was doing the dishes. No! A Martinus, if I wanted a double, I'd ask for it. - W&S No, I've not found the Master Universal recipe File. No, it doesn't come with bloody wafers! Nobody knows the truffles I've seen. Nothing cures a case of nerves like a case of beer. Now accepting any GOOD recipes! Now Eating: Cream Cheese, green olives on bagel. NOW from Ralston Purina! Human-flavored Dragon Chow! Now, would you be a gentleman and send me a couple of recipes???!! Of course I can cook, but I never do it on the first date! Of course I have a recipe. Why do you ask? Oh, a rhetorical post? Okay, this is a rhetorical recipe.... Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it -- Tim Ohhhhhh...ET must be into the beer again....I'm drunk! OK kids come and get your Bambiburgers-hey why is everyone crying? Ok. So I'm not very good at thinking up recipes. Okay, Quaker, let's have it: name, rank, and cereal number. Okay, who ordered the Mount Bellyache Chocolate Ice Cream Sundae? Old days: Wine, Women, Song. Now days: Coffee, Computers, CD's. On a beer day, you can pee forever. On eclair day, you can eat forever. One beer gets me drunk...usually it's the 14th one. One cannot be wise on an empty stomach One chocolate donut is worth 1000 bran muffins. One dead unjugged rabbit fish later... One more *%^%$^@! spam recipe and I get violent. One more bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. One rabbit stew coming right up! -- Bors Only a test. Had this been an actual recipe... Ooooohhhh! I hates rabbits. -- Yosemite Sam Oops, I think Daddy burned the spam again! Oops... Tried to snag my own recipe! Operator out of coffee. Recipes may become irrational. Opie and his therapist go fishing... -- Tom Servo Oregano: The ancient Italian art of pizza folding. Organ transplants are best left to the professionals - Bart Simpson Origin of Life? Just check my refrigerator ... Originality: posting a snagged recipe at least one reader has never seen. OUT OF RECIPES: PLEASE ORDER MORE. Out of the mouths of babes often comes oatmeal... Overeating: What makes you thick to your stomach. Overweight just sort of snacks up on you. Overweight? I prefer to say I'm chocolate-enriched. Own three week old gefilte fish -- Go to Jail. Oxymoron: decaffeinated coffee Oxymoron: English chef Oxymoron: lite dark beer. Oxymoron: Non-alcoholic beer. Pastaplegic: Person who can't move after eating too much spaghetti. Patience is waiting for pizza to thaw. - Garfield Peanut butter crackers are a *must* while _I'm_ Modeming! People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. L. Long People with cute nicknames should be used for food... Pessimist: looks at the Land of Milk & Honey; sees cholesterol and calories PETA: People for the Eating of Tasty Animals. Petition Hormel to make Spam out of Barney. Ph.D. stands for Pepper-head Dude, right? Phobia -- what you have left over after you drink two out of a 6-pack. Pick two: [1] Fast [2] Tasty [3] Cheap Pickle: A cucumber soured by a jarring experience. PIE, n. An advance agent of the reaper whose name is Indigestion. Pizza - it's not just for breakfast any more! Pizza IS the four food groups! Pizza: It's not just a food group, it's a way of life. Pizza: Nature's perfect food. PKLite Beer? Plant zucchini only if you have lots of friends. Please do not offer my god a peanut! -- Apu Politically correct healthy chili has yogurt and tofu in it? <UGH> Pour beer into your SmartModem & make your Baud Wiser! Powdered water -- just add ... hmmm ... powered by coffee, pizza, and chocolate. Preserve wildlife - pickle a hedgehog! Press + to see another recipe. Press <Ctrl-Alt-Del> now to access the Spam recipe file section Press ALT-F for the French Version of this bilingual recipe. Press PLAY+REC to save this recipe. Principles have no real force except when one is well fed. - Twain Protect your bagels. Put lox on them. Protein: In favor of young people. Proving that snagged recipes are the sincerest form of flattery. Prunes are raisins on steroids. Put a lot of little marshmallows in your hot chocolate. Q: Why do blondes hate M&Ms? A: They're too hard to peel. Quick, call the food police. Quite an interesting recipe. Think I'll take it with me. Rabbit au gratin de gelatine under tooled leather... drool, drool! Ram's Bladder Cup. Now, what sort of confectionery is that? Rap is to music what Hot Dogs are to cuisine. Rat cake, rat sorbet, rat pudding, or strawberry tart. Read any good recipes lately? Real computers don't eat cache. Recipe voting: [ ] 5 star { } very good [ ] good [X] bad Recipes are `bout as much fun as you can have with your jeans on. Recipes in good taste? How 'bout good tasting recipes? Red eye special - A double espresso with a shot of coffee. Red meat is bad for you -- fuzzy green meat is even worse. Red meat is good for you. Fuzzy blue-green meat is BAD for you. Red meat isn't bad for you. Fuzzy blue-green meat is. Redneck Menu Conundrum #1: What wine goes with Moon Pies? Redneck Menu Conundrum #2: What wine goes with possum? Refried beans -- why couldn't they fry 'em right the FIRST time? Religions change. Beer and wine remain. Remember the immortal words of Socrates: I drank what? Remember, the current burger wars are making tacos cheap! Revenge is a dish best served...with stuffing instead of potatoes! Revenge is a dish best served...with tangy Miracle Whip! Rhubarb: A kind of celery gone bloodshot. Righteous Gump.....You've Lost That Box of Chocolates. Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Poodles `N Noodles Road Kill Cafe - Today's Special: Squished Squirrel Road Runner: Fast Food Roast Barney with Smurf Stuffing... Guaranteed to kill diabetics! Romulan ale no longer to be served at diplomatic functions. Rotisserie: A Ferris wheel for chickens. Rule #05: Everyone must buy the moderator chocolate. Run for the toilet! Taco Bell's done it again! Rye?....Rye not! S&M's candies: they taste HORRIBLE! But I like 'em! Sacred cows make the tastiest hamburger. - Abbie Hoffman Sage advice: To cook well, learn all about spices. Salvation is only a Beer Bottle away....... sAUCE, n. The one infallible sign of civilization and enlightenment. Sauerbraten: Moody children. Save the ALES! Save the whales -- they make great leftovers! Scotty, beam me down another beer!!! (BUURRP!!) Screw the mug, give me a caffeine I.V. !!! Sea World...Sushi lovers go straight to the source! Seduced by the chocolate side of the Force. Separate two eggs? Why are they fighting? Serial Port - Red Wine on Grape Nuts... Set phasers on Cajun Style. Set phasers on Habanero Sex and chocolate: better together than separate! Sex and food ain't everything, there's booze too! She's a chiliholic, and she just can't help herself. Shepherd's Pie = 3.141592653589793238462643383279... sheep Should we eat him or bury him? -- Crow T. Robot Should'a never had those little Vietnamese peppers... -- Nelson Show me the glen where the kippers roam free. Show respect for age. Drink good Scotch for a change. Shut up and eat your Durian (in memory of Stephen Ceideburg) Sign at bake sale: Cakes - $.66 Upside down cakes - $.99 Silly Hooker. Trix are for Magicians! Silly Kid. QWKs are for readers! Silly rabbit . . . Tricks are for hookers! Six pints of bitter. And quickly please, the world's about to end Sleep is a poor substitute for caffeine. Slugfest: An escargot cook-off. Smoke me a kipper, I'll be back for breakfast Snap, Crackle and Pop found dead, Cereal killer suspected So Frosty, how was the hot chocolate? Frosty, where are you? So how long, exactly, have you had the delusion that you were a cook? So how many points do I get on my cooking license? <G> So many recipes ... so little thyme! So who put spam in *your* cornflakes this morning? So why IS, a carrot more orange than a orange? Some days, I'd kill Flipper for a good tuna sandwich. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, others gargle! Some is good, more is better. Too much is just right. Some like it hot, some like it cold; I like it chocolate! Some mornings, sex is almost better than coffee. Some people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two...alone. someone left the cork out of my lunch. W.C. Fields Sometimes the garbage disposal gods demand an offering of a spoon. Sometimes you get beer, sometimes beer gets you Sometimes you have to wake up and smell the Spam. Sorry, no recipe. Check back next week Soybeans and dildos are meat substitutes. SPAM - Squirrels, Possum and Mice. Spam -- canned meat you'll SCREAM for! SPAM doesn't kill people - it outlives them. Spam for me, please, with a side of crunchy frog. Spam Kinison -- canned meat you'll SCREAM for! Spam Spam Spam Spam Bacon Eggs Spam and Spam Spam spam spam spam spam spam spam jobs and spam - Bush Spam Spam Spam Spam, Spammity Spammmm, Spam, Spam, Spam... Spam! Lovely spam! Beautiful spam! Spam! The wonder substance! -- Joel Robinson SPAM(n): Acronym for Snake, 'Possum, and Mole. Spam, spam, spam, baked beans, spam, spam and spam. SPAM, SPAM, SPAM, EGGS, SPAM, SPAM AND SPAM..... SPAM...(S)crap (P)ork, (A)in't (M)eat Spam.... It's not just for breakfast any more. Spam...it is the devil's work! SPAM...[S]pecially [P]rocessed [A]nimal-flavored [M]atter. SPAM: Slime Posing As Meat -Jay Leno Spam: Sound pig makes hitting bottom of elevator shaft. SPAM: Subsentient Protoplasm Approximating Meatloaf Speaking of durian leftovers -- have you checked your post office box? Sponge cake recipe: First borrow 3 cups of flour... SPONGECAKE: Dessert made of borrowed ingredients. Sport Fisherman: spends $1000 on equipment to watch $20 worth of fish. Spotted Owl Tastes Just Like Bald Eagle Spotted owl tastes just like chicken! Yum! Squirrel gravy and grits. Only the pure would understand. squirrel: Just a cute tree rat with a good PR agent. Squirrels LOVE peanut butter balls! Squirrels swim on their backs to keep their nuts dry! Squirrels! All we really are is squirrels. Squirrels, the other white meat. Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes. Start a download. Get a beer. Multitasking. Start mail download. Grab a beer. Watch some football: Multitasking. Stay away from the barbecue sauce! -- Crow T. Robot Steak is my ally! Butter does my bidding! -- TV's Frank Stick you head in the microwave and get yourself a tan! Stress relief tip: Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. Success is making it to the top of the food chain!! Support bacteria, it's the only culture some people have. Sure, drinking kills brain cells...but only the weak ones! SUSHI: Known to the rest of the world as 'Bait'. Swim nude. Sharks hate to peel their food. Taglines in good taste? How 'bout good tasting taglines? Take a congressman to lunch. You will need a tenderizer. Taste first, ask questions later.... Tasteless recipe attached to pointless message. Ten chocolate sundaes. I'm in a really bad mood. --Q. Teutonic: Not enough gin. Texas 7-course meal -- a bowl of chili and a six-pack THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS WALRUS WAFERS!! Well, there SHOULD be! Top o' the food chain to ye! Tortilla: Lawyer's lunch choice. Try some of the Persian... No, I'll just split a diet Tabby. Try to explain a chocolate soda to today's youth. TV DINNER: Food that tastes like it was prepared by the TV repairman. TV Truth: Drinking beer attracts beautiful females. TV Truth: Mothers actually worry about brands of peanut butter. Twas a brave man who first ate an oyster...or an egg. Twinkies do not have a half-life;they just keep going and going. Twinkies have a half-life, but Ding Dongs are eternal Twinkies have a half-life, but Velveeta is eternal. Two beers times 37 men = 49 cases. Unable to find COLDBEER.CAN... SysOp not loaded!!! Unless it affects the price of chocolate, it has no bearing on my life. URA redneck if a waiter asks for a wine choice and you say Budweiser, 95 URA Redneck if Thanksgiving was ruined because you ran out of ketchup. URA Redneck if there's a ham hanging from your front porch. URA Redneck if you eat 'chitlins', 'grits', or frank-and-beans frequently. URA Redneck if you ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle. URA redneck if you stare at a can of orange juice becuase it says concentrate. URA Redneck if you think a turtleneck is key ingredient for soup. URA Redneck if you think Espresso is a courier service. URA Redneck if you think French onion dip is an exotic tobacco product. URA Redneck if you think Paprika is a third world country. URA Redneck if you thinks rabbits are food, not pets. URA Redneck if you're famous for your homemade squash wine. URA Redneck if you're holding a beer in your wedding picture. URA Redneck if you've ever lost a tooth opening a beer bottle. URA Redneck if your idea of health food is pork rinds. URA Redneck if your wife has a beer belly and you find it attractive. URA Redneck if: You can have sex without spilling your beer. URA Redneck: you see an animal and your 1st thought is That's good eatin' Useless Invention: A freezer for Eskimos. Useless Invention: Cat flap for the fridge. Useless Invention: Dehydrated water. Useless Invention: Freeze Dried Water. Useless Invention: Low salt brine. Useless Invention: Low-calorie PowerBar. Useless Invention: Reduced calorie water. Useless Invention: Sugar coated insulin. Vegetarian's Peace Rally Sign: No Cukes! Give Peas a Chance! Vegetarian: Indian word for lousy hunter!!! Vegetarians eat vegetables - beware humanitarians! Venezuelan Beaver Cheese? Not *today*, sir, no. Wait while I look up Unicorn. No sense shooting it if it's extinct. Waitress! (glare) This roadkill is not properly aged! Want A Free Lunch, Get Elected to the U.S. Congress. Wanted dead or alive ... one pink rabbit with a drum. Warning! COLDBEER.CAN found, programmer probably loaded. Warning! This recipe fails CRC check! Watermelon--it's a good fruit. You eat, you drink, you wash your face We *ALL* start with 0 recipes. ... Then, we all {*urp*} grow! :-) We dine well here in Camelot; We eat ham and jam and Spam a lot! We eat ham and jam and spam a lot! We hired you to babysit & you cooked and ate them BOTH?!? We might remind cats that our ancestors wore theirs. We need perfection in our lives ... We need *perfect* recipes! We're for a good time not a long time - Beer drinker's motto We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl... We're Looking for a Few Good Claws We're PROFESSIONAL chefs. Do NOT try this at home! Weasel, the other yellow meat. Weed it and Reap. American Vegetable Association. Welcome to the SICK and DEMENTED recipes Conference. Well, that's no ordinary rabbit! -- Tim What does eating have to do with Spam? <baffled look> What flavor milkshake? -- Food Dispenser Beer. -- L What garlic is to salad, insanity is to art. What happens when your fortune cookie contradicts your horoscope? What the hell. Go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket. What's the meat in it? Perfectly Normal Beast. What? Isn't 40 bajillion recipes enough for you? Greedy greedy! What? You actually cook these recipes? When a poor man eats a chicken -- one of them is sick. When did my wild oats turn to shredded wheat? When I read about the evils of drinking I gave up reading. When life gives me lemons, I make orange juice. I mess up everthing. When Pigs fly, they will be called PIGeons! When your chocolate bar melts in the fridge... You're in Texas! where can I find a spell chequer for reicepes? WHITE BEER: A Trailer Park of Flavor in Every Bottle Why are Chinese fortune cookies written in English? Why are you carrying that fish around? For the halibut.. Why beer is better: Eating cucumbers to forget doesn't work. Why beer is better: it's always in season. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny! Why don't many cats swim? Why don't many fish fly? Why is it raining fish? * Rimmer Why remember recipes when you can make them up? Women go on diets. Men just eat less ... and grow fat. Work is for people who don't now how to fish.